Greenies hate civilization. Ergo, the Green War on our W.C.s.
Think about it: There is no greater symbol of civilization than the toilet and its various accoutrements. From Mohenjo-Daro to the Roman Empire, civilized life has gone hand in hand with running water and underground infrastructure to wash the refuse of humanity away from our homes and cities. Fire may be the most widespread symbol of Man’s rise from the Serengeti to Starbucks, but the most important is the plunger.
Thus, the Greenies desire to become the commodores of our commodes, from trying to tell us to use one square of toilet paper (which may be enough if all you eat is granola, but is wholly inadequate if your diet consists of, you know, human food), to the so-called “low flush” toilets that are designed to save water but end up wasting water because you have to flush the things a million times to properly exorcise your tank.
Now, those tiger-apologists at the World Wildlife Fund have targeted toilet paper itself. A new WWF report titled “Don’t Flush Tiger Forests: Toilet Paper, U.S. Supermarkets, and the Destruction of Indonesia’s Last Tiger Habitats” claims that, “Americans who use Paseo or Livi brands of toilet tissue are contributing to the destruction of the Indonesian rainforest and tiger habitat,” according to the Environment News Service.
“Consumers shouldn’t have to choose between tigers and toilet paper,” proclaims the WWF’s Linda Kramme. “We’re asking retailers, wholesalers and consumers not to buy Paseo or Livi products until APP stops clearing rainforests in Sumatra.”
Two things. First, tigers kill people. Regularly. Last year in one region in Bangladesh, 53 people were attacked by tigers, with 34 killed and 19 severely injured. In one week the tigers of this forest killed seven people. Shame on the WWF for defending these murderous beasts.
Now, the Greenies will undoubtedly say that the tiger—when it attacks a human—is just behaving naturally. Well, that pretty much sums up my relationship with toilet paper—just doing what comes naturally. Using technology to improve my health and well-being—that’s how humans roll, baby.
Second, the wealthy folk at the WWF have jobs. The poor peoples of the Third World would like jobs, too. I don’t have the stats in front of me, but I bet the logging industry in Indonesia which supplies the West with TP also supplies a lot of very poor people with a lot of much needed employment opportunities in that part of the world. But good Greenies care more about animals than people—the honest ones don’t even bother to deny it.
Now if you’ll excuse me, nature calls….
Never shake hands with anyone from the WWF….
It’s true that toilet paper comes ‘from trees’. But not in the way you think. Toilet paper is made from the *by-products* of logging, i.e., branches unusable for lumber. Without paper production, these branches would be hauled to landfills at enormous cost, or cast into huge bonfires. Oh, the CO2! some would moan.
Is the WWF disingenuous, or is it lying?
Most likely they simply haven’t thought about the consequences of their actions. That’s why so many young people start off with the green groups and leave when they get into their 30s. You go from idealism to cynicism real quick once you realize that your efforts are useless or even counterproductive.
A portion of Indonesia’s vast tropical forest resource is dedicated to creating wealth and providing much needed jobs. Once a forest area is harvested all attempts are made to begin a new forest. When the logs are processed for higher value lumber or plywood the clean residual is chipped and sent to the pulp mill, which then sells the pulp to others for processing into a variety of paper products. The non-marketable residual is burned to produce energy and steam for the lumber/plywood plant. Residuals from the harvesting process provide organics that are eventually reincorporated into the site.
WWF staff in New York City likely use the soft, double and triple ply. You wouldn’t expect them to use anything less. I still wouldn’t shake their hands, though.